Today I want to be a bit more candid with you about "The 40 Day Journey," because I know many of you have had some of the same struggles, questions, and desires. The desire of my heart comes from John 14:21 which says, "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him." My desire is to see Him! Each day when we spend time with Him, He reveals more and more of Himself to us and for this I am eternally grateful. But I truly desire to see the One I live for; the One I sense with me at all times.
So, how was the journey? Well, I didn't have Jesus sit and have tea with me, I didn't have any unusual manifestations of Heaven in my midst, I didn't even have a vision, or fall down drunk in the glory! It actually felt drier than it was before the 40 days. There was one answer to prayer which has blessed me tremendously - I had (and still have) a continual awareness of His nearness. I feel like I can reach out and touch Him!
I also realized something which will encourage you. When you come to the Lord in times of stillness, waiting on Him, it is truly for the purpose of abandoning self. Normally I come to the Lord in silence expecting Him to speak or to take me off into a vision, show me angels, etc. When this wasn't happening I wondered what was wrong! When I talked to my spiritual Mom, Elsabe Briers, this is what she said: "Sitting in His Presence soaks you in the Spirit and there is change, even if you cannot perceive it. It also brings you to the place of dying to YOUR desire to have a tangible experience and be at rest simply to be with HIM."
We come to the Lord because we love Him. This is the foundation my life is based on. So why had I begun to put the horse before the cart so to speak? I was looking for the experience and manifestation of His love because I have had it for so long, but forgot that the humble posture of love has no expectations; love always desires to give. We put aside our computers, our work, our play, our distractions and simply focus on Him. We are telling Him that He is the most important thing in our lives and whether or not we feel or see anything, we trust that He is leading us. I honestly felt that if I wasn't sensing His glory and having visions or hearing Him plainly, that there was something wrong with ME! Most of my life I have known what it is to "abandon all for the sake of the call," but I didn't even consider that I would have to abandon my expectations when coming to Him in my prayers of quiet. Although this seems simple, it really has been eye opening for me!
I have had many people ask me about their times of waiting on God in silence. So many come away frustrated and confused because they saw nothing but the back of their eyelids! Compare these times to a seed: it is sown into the ground and then we sit and wait for it to grow. We water it and give it conditions to cultivate that growth, but all we can do is trust that there is life in the seed which will come forth in due time. Between the planting and the time of fruit is the unseen. This is a huge revelation regarding our time with Him. The seed of love which has been planted in our hearts cannot be pushed to bare fruit. It can only be cultivated by our times with the Lord in prayer, worship, Bible time, and sheer abandonment and enjoyment of His love. We must trust Him to lure the life within us to come forth.
This is a relinquishing of self more than any of the things I have had to yield to Him. We come to Him just because we enjoy Him and yield ourselves to Him because we know He enjoys us! If there will be manifestations of His glory, that is up to Him. Regardless of what I experience or don't experience in His presence, at least I am with Him and in this place I am safe. Our life in Him is mysterious, but He desires to reveal these mysteries! (Ephesians 1:9) Sometimes our quiet times before Him may feel dry or wasted, but we are like that seed - being cultivated and cared for while being hidden in His love. We must fully yield to these times and embrace them as much as our times of overwhelming visitations. If you have not experienced the times of visitation, don't give up! You will!
One more thing! I was wrecked by revival in the early 90's. Since then I have been in the "glory camp", those who know when you are in God's presence, you will respond and experience Him. I still believe this! However, we must give God room to be God and when we see others not reacting to His glory we cannot think they are not being touched. This will turn into another form of religion where we almost demand a manifestation as proof that the person is tapped in. I know most of my glory friends understand this, but I felt the Lord prompting me to add that, so I did!
Continue seeking Him, loving Him and learning to rest in His love that knows no bounds.
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